The Reason This All Began
By Kaitlyn McQuin
On New Year’s Eve of 2018, my relationship of three-and-a-half years ended from a conversation that lasted all of two minutes.
“Are we prolonging a break up?” I asked.
“Yes.”
And that was it. In one word, the man who I envisioned myself marrying, the one who I moved twice for, the one whose entire family I had met five months prior, became a total stranger.
I was equal parts heartbroken, angry, and liberated — you know that feeling? The one where you’re walking around a house that used to be yours, packing your things into your car by yourself, and waffling between bouts of hysterical sobbing that shoves you to the floor to staring expressionless at a wall? I know that feeling, too. But I also know the feeling that pokes its head around the corner every so often, and it’s the feeling of relief.
Relief that it’s all over and you’re free to do whatever you please.
That night, as I counted down to the New Year by myself while drinking red wine and watching Grace & Frankie, I thought about where life should take me next — more importantly, where did I want life to take me next? Within minutes, I knew. I would move back home to New Orleans. I hadn't lived at home in a long time, and my heart and soul longed to be surrounded by people and places that knew me best.
The next morning, on January 1, 2019, I searched for apartments and jobs in New Orleans and began packing all of my possessions into boxes. By the end of that week, I had secured employment and signed a lease on a house with one of my best friends. By the weekend, I told my mother and my best girlfriends that I was moving back home.
“DON’T BE SURPRISED AT HOW QUICKLY THE UNIVERSE WILL MOVE WITH YOU ONCE YOU’VE DECIDED.”
On January 16, 2019, I packed my final box into my car and drove away from the grey house that had become home. My road trip from Los Angeles to New Orleans began at one of my best friend’s houses where I would spend my last night before I bid California farewell (for now). It looked a little something like this:
Original illustration by Annie Ruygt Illustration, Los Angeles
The next morning, I drove to LAX and picked up my mother, who flew in from New Orleans to be with me on my drive, and we began the four-day journey back to Louisiana. We drove through rainstorms, sandstorms, and tumbleweed storms (these are real things, and they’re terrifying). I was scared, I was sad, but, mostly, I was proud. Proud of myself for taking back the reigns of my life and living life for me.
From the moment I left Los Angeles on January 17, 2019, I have been filled with an overwhelming sense of peace in my decision to end my relationship. Yes, I am grieving the loss of what I once had, and I am grieving the life I built and the memories I made, but I am sure that what lies ahead is even sweeter than anything I have ever experienced before. This website is a testament to that already.
This new website is a rebirth into the woman I have evolved into over the past seven months since moving back home. It’s a re-introduction to the world of who I am and who I have always meant to become. It’s the mark of the beginning of my new chapter — the best chapter — and I am so excited to share it with you, and I am so excited that you’re here.
So, yes, the inspiration and creativity to reclaim my space in the world might have started with a break up…