COVID-19 and in Quarantine: A Collection of Twitter Poems Meant to Woo from a Social Distance
Follow me on Instagram and TikTok and let’s be goofballs together. Maybe I’ll even write you a poem, idk.
*Editor’s note (March 1, 2021): If you’ve found this collection of poems from a Google search for funny COVID poems, I want to hear from you. Feel free to reach out via my submissions page. Tell me why you’re Googling funny poems, who the poems are for, and if you’ve found love during COVID. Thank you! - Kaitlyn McQuin
On the evening of Sunday, March 14, 2020, while lying in bed, I drafted a tweet that I thought would make my friends laugh. Luckily, laughter was a success… but it came from so many more people than just my friend’s list.
The tweet read:
Almost overnight, and well into the following days, my tweet got liked, retweeted, and commented on by approximately 500,000 people from all over the world. My phone was absolutely blowing up, and my mentions were filled to the brim with poems that people had written to me, to their lovers, to no one in particular. I was amazed. And highly impressed.
I was instantly overjoyed at how many people found my tweet to be hilarious. It made my day and is a definite highlight of my life, but I was also overjoyed at how many people were writing. As an avid writer myself, and firm believer in the written word, I get really excited when people share their stories, whether it be through writing a script, a novel, or, in this case, a Twitter Poem sparked by dating during COVID-19 and social distancing.
I swear. I love the Internet.
I wanted to take the time to share some of the poems I received on Twitter here with you all in hopes it also makes you laugh and encourage you to write. With the extra time on our hands these days, and with the anxiety and depression some, if not all, of us are feeling because of the pandemic, perhaps we could use both laughter and some creative expression.
Without further ado, please enjoy some of the poem submissions I’ve received this week on Twitter. If you feel inspired to write your own, I’d love to read them in the comments. :)
COVID-19 and in Quarantine: A Collection of Twitter Poems Meant to Woo from a Social Distance:
Poems that made me LOL:
This tweet made me laugh
Haikus are difficult work
Refrigerator
- by Quinn Enochs (@nightc322)
Roses are red
Leaves are green
I’ve tested negative
For COVID-19
- by Ashles (@Ashles3000)
We pass on the sidewalk,
furtive glances exchanged
interacting with eyes only,
expressions hidden by
3M N-95 masks,
the scent of Purell
lingers…
- by Charles Kersey (@Charleskersey)
In the age of technology boundless and grand
A tiny little microbe has shuttered the lands
And exposed failings of man
For in our advances, so shiny and bright
We’ve forgotten how to use our words to delight
And how to treat those we fancy proper and right
Let alone how to speak of our feelings deeply repressed
With each failing our hearts growing more ever depressed
Leaving our lives to be such a mess
What I am trying to say with so many words
Is please don’t beat me on the curb
Here is my wallet, take my money, just not the face
Also you are smart and pretty.
- Laughing Pine Hurriedly Working on Research (@thelaughingpine)
This is quite funny, that guys don’t know what to do,
and to send more than a d*ck pic took an evil global flu,
I’m sure it’s not hard to exercise the English language,
to woo and to flirt without flashing an appendage,
It gives us a chance to ponder and reflect,
on digital dating and how damn weird it is,
so lads, get your pens out,
the ladies are waiting,
for some lyrical tongue mastery,
and some socially distant dating.
- Raj Dhokia (@Average_Chap)
Roses are red,
supplies are running thin,
dating apps suck
right, Kaitlyn McQuin
- Gene (@CtrlAltComplete)
There once was a woman named Kaitlyn
With a regressive approach to datin’.
”I’d like something better,”
Said the men, “than a letter,”
But it’s not going to stop me from ‘batin!”
- Shamanda Faire (@FaireShamanda)
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I was so impressed
When I saw this on Reddit,
I had to come follow you.
- NotEvenChad (@NotEvenChad17)
Hello, Ms. Kaitlyn
You’re a cool adult, but you
Aren’t hip with the times.
- the kid I nanny
IT’S A POST COVID 19 WORLD OUT
THERE AND KAITLYN THINKS WE
SHOULD GET AWAY FROM APPS
GOD KNOWS I AGREE, ITS TIME TO
TALK AND WRITE. IN FACT I AGREE SO
MUCH, I’VE WRITTEN THIS IN CAPS
- Mohsin (@Mohsin_Z4)
You need to be stopped. For the so called theatre teaching if for nothing else. - Julian Hughes (@julianh29498800) *Not a poem, but how hilarious is this. I NEED TO BE STOPPED.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You’re f*cked Brad.
- (@palomapoetry)
Oh how I long for thee, thy sweet toxic
caress and the softness of thy disease
ridden lips.. but alas, I am self
quarantined, destined to live alone
and keep 50% our oneness from further
harm..
Oh how I long for thee, my delicate and
potentially deadly rose,
Damn these thorns that are keeping
me at a safe as possible distance..
Goddamnit for real
Farewell, my love…I will always
remember you and cherish the
memory you, in your shortened
visit on this wretched planet, in my
heart.
Don’t be sad for me,
as your illness
keepers me thankful for being virus free
Hurrah
- Robert Schaeffer (@RobbSchaeffer)
Hi there, how was your day
Me, I’m fighting the Zoom delay
Toilet paper rolls: 92
How how about you?
I don’t have a washing machine
So I’m using shirts from when I was a teen
The neighbor is a screamer
So I’m frequently using my vacuum cleaner
I will be fine
I have wine
- Andreas Madsen (@andreas_madsen)
Your hair,
Is like strings, and stuff, growing from your head
But is made of keratin, like fingernails;
Your eyes,
They’re round,
Unless you have astigmatism,
Then the lenses are kind of
Football-shaped
But only half a football
That Tom Brady deflated;
Swipe right.
- Patriotic Pizzazz (@craving_filled)
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Hashtag social distancing,
In case it’s not just the flu.
- Bradley T. Hughes (@_bradleythughes)
Roses are red
Telephones are plastic
Disco is dead
But you are fantastic!
- Tonde (@tondelungu)
Roses are red,
This ain’t the flu
If you think otherwise,
You don’t have a clue.
- (@fastpathguru)
Poems that made me go AWW:
Ms. Kaitlyn McQuin, it has been quite fun to see
Encouraging others to spread creativity
We laugh, we cry, we get bored but we try
We meet others who are going through the same thing as you and I
In a time to be joyful
we are stricken with fear
The things we are going through
will soon disappear
But what makes this a little extra special
for you and me
Is that now we have made friends on
social media
with your tweet
for the world to see
- Daniel Bonaparte (@danielbonaparte)
There once was a gal named McQuin
Who decided, with little chagrin,
That one-nighters were dead;
Advocating, instead,
For a poem to make her heart spin.
- operaglenn (@operaglenn)
I take care of you
Messes — be gone! My love stays
Today and always.
- Kleenex Brand (@kleenex)
Poems that are Beautiful AF:
The hour, it seems, provides example
contra movement in the dance
a certain pretense is but fancy
who jumps and judges in romance.
A poem? Letters? Even song?
Who courted thinks these arts extreme?
Who dreams such courters merely swipe
reveals the life in which they dream.
- Weston C (@wwweston)
So eyes,
Got ones I like,
Seen through your soul, its bright,
So open the window, let some
Light out
- Chameleon.Bonaparte (@mexifreak2010)
Rivers flow but dam
Obstacles make you wonder
Try again or quit
- Michael J. Sielaff (@michaeljsielaff)
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’d love to do witchcraft with you
- Sarah Heosh-Valencia (@valencia_hersh)
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’d like to get within 6 feet of you
- John J. Dawson (@John_J_Dawson)
There once was a woman online
whose tweets were so concisely sublime
using the internet’s might
to perpetuate stereotype
and take us all a century back into time.
- Steve Andrews (@whererusteve)
If dragons could be
Then I for thee
would slay a baker’s dozen.
And ogres that roam,
I’d surely drag home,
Toppled by my sword’s fiery lesson.
As kingdoms surrender,
I’d bring home the plunder,
And lay it most humbly at your feet.
And the seas would I sail
To find treasure without fail
To make the payments on the
furniture each week.
Ah, but none of these things
Or various beings
Shall ever come to pass.
Chivalry went
With history spent,
And with it, the romance.
Alas.
But the garbage I’ll take,
And the yard I’ll rake,
My armor in the garage, unused.
So think of this,
If it’s romance you miss:
That your hero lives, unbruised.
- Brian Wells (@AndroidAstro)
I plan to sift through Facebook, Instagram, and my website’s email to upload even more poems, but, in the meantime, these will give you a glimpse into what the past week of my life has been filled with — tons of humor, precious little moments, and actual moments of, “Damn, they’re talented.”
It’s been amazing.
And, honestly, I have you to thank for that. I received hundreds of messages from people all over the world thanking me for making them laugh and getting them through this difficult time, and it means the absolute world to me to hear it. But you’ve helped me, too. In more ways than you know. So, thank you!
This photo is a few weeks old, but my expression here is how I’ve been feeling this past week at the outpouring of love and kindness and LAUGHTER based on my FREAKIN’ TWEET. 💖 Mind-blowing. Connecting with all of you has helped me more than you know. Truly. ✨ I have anxiety, and like most people at the moment, mine has been through the roof. I’m having trouble sleeping, eating, and having stress dreams every night that make no sense and involve my precious cat niece attacking me on my own staircase. The audacity! Also, she’d never. 💕 I miss my family and my friends and I want to hug them all so desperately. I wish I could just hold everyone close to me and tell them it’ll be okay. Having access to the internet and being able to see my loved ones, and, in turn, e-meet all of you is truly a gift I never could have expected. ✨ But as much as I’ve been giggling this week and how full you all have made my life feel, my heart still hurts, especially today, and I feel afraid. And if you do too, that’s okay. If you’re like me and escape through laughter, that’s okay too, and I’ll try my best to keep the giggles coming if you’ll have me. ☺️ We’re all in this together. Truly, we are. And I want to thank you for being here and doing your part to protect the ones you love and to protect yourself — physically, spiritually, and mentally. You’re doing great. 💖 And you are seen. So, thank you, love you, wash your hands, and be gentle with one another. Xx