We Live for Ourselves. No One Else.
“I have lived for the wrong people long enough to know how essential it is to do with your life what you wish.”
The other morning, as I was walking back into my house after a run, I noticed my neighbor was sitting on her porch. She was tying her tennis shoes.
“Heading out for a run?” I asked. We chatted about running from time to time, my neighbor and me. It was a shared interest, we discovered.
“Yes,” she said with a sigh. “I’m trying. It’s so hard to motivate myself sometimes.”
I laughed and agreed. Just that morning, I contemplated skipping my workout in favor of a second cup of coffee and writing, but, alas, my guilt won. I typically listen to music while I run. I like to sync my steps to the rhythm of the beat. Sometimes it works out perfectly, and sometimes the song is so fast-paced, I find myself sprinting for several seconds before doubling over on the street corner trying to catch my breath.
This particular morning, however, I listened to a podcast. I figured maybe she did, too.
“Do you ever listen to podcasts when you run?” I asked her.
“No, I don’t, but I’ve been wanting to actually!”
“I listened to Second Life this morning. It’s a podcast about women who had one career and then, later in life, pursed something different. It’s pretty great!”
She looked intrigued.
“That sounds like me,” she said.
I cocked my head to the side, which invited her to continue.
“I just graduated from law school, and I don’t want to be a lawyer.”
There it was, a dilemma I know all too well, and I’m sure some of you do too. The dilemma of pursuing an avenue of no interest, yet we still pursue it. The land of Wow This Job is Secure meets But if I Sit At This Desk One Day More, I Will Surely Eat My Arm. The land of mental, physical, and emotional torment of knowing exactly what you want to do but being too afraid to pursue it.
Raise your hand if this sounds like you.
Yeah, same.
When I started college in 2009, I majored in biology and pre-med. I was certain I would become a doctor. My family was insanely proud of me my first year. They would brag to anyone who would listen that I studied science and was going to be a surgeon.
One year into that workload, I realized that I didn’t want to be a surgeon – I just liked helping people and was obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy. So, I changed my major and decided to pursue a career that was the complete opposite field of biology, and that was film, theatre, and communications.
I was elated.
My family was nervous as hell.
This was the first time I made a decision for me and no one else, and it wouldn’t be the last. But I did get wrapped up in others’ expectations of me from time to time.
I took a job teaching theatre in 2015 that I quickly realized wasn’t fulfilling. My days were spent corralling forty-seven talented theatre students, navigating the hierarchy of the public school system, and working on paperwork until ten-thirty most evenings. I was miserable most days. Sometimes, I would find my joy, like when a student would run up to me and give me a hug, or when a child had a breakthrough while working on a Shakespeare scene, or witnessing how the power of theatre gave these children permission and space to live boldly.
But I wasn’t living my life how I wanted to be living it. So much of my energy was put into other people’s perceptions of me, my family’s being at the forefront. I cared so much, too much, about how my job title made them feel. So, I stuck it out at that job for a year and relished in the I’m so proud of you and the You finally have a big girl job comments.
I did it again when I lived in Washington, D.C. from 2016-2018 and worked jobs in marketing and editorial. I kept telling myself that, because my jobs involved writing, I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. But that was just untrue. Again, my family loved to tell people what I was up to when they asked. One Christmas, my aunt told me that she was proud of me for growing up and moving on from the idea that I’d make it as an actor. It wasn’t her best moment. And it certainly wasn’t mine. I could think of only two things:
1. Wow, how rude.
2. All I want to be is an actor (and a writer)!
It’s difficult for people, mostly creatives, to live their truthful lives. A huge part of being a creative person is creating. In order to create, we need inspiration. And in order to receive inspiration, our lives need to be lived in ways that open the doors for inspiration to enter our lives. It’s difficult to feel inspired or creative when you’re stuck at a desk for forty hours a week, typing away on a keyboard and pumping out newsletters that you just don’t care about.
This isn’t meant to sway you to quit your job right now and become a full-time crocheter. But if you want to, you absolutely should. Someone has to do it! This is meant, however, to get you to think about how you’re living your life.
Are you happy in your day-to-day? Are you feeling fulfilled? Do you wake up in the mornings and feel excited to live your life, or do you want to stay in bed where it’s warm and safe?
Are you creatively challenged and supported? Are you making art, and the kind of art you long to make? Are you smiling?
I looked at my neighbor this morning, after she confessed that she did not want to be a lawyer, and I told her, “You absolutely must live your life for you.”
“You seem to have lived a bit,” she said.
And she was right. I have lived a bit. More than some people, but less than others. However, I have lived enough, and lived for the wrong people long enough, to know at age twenty-seven how absolutely essential it is to do with your life what you wish.
We live for ourselves. No one else.
So, what is it that you want to do? Take a minute, think about it, come up with a plan, and get to living. Because you have time. You have a second life waiting for you. You have control.
Grab ahold of those reigns.
And charge full steam ahead.